


Day After Learning It

by LifeGivesLemons (AmayaNoCho)



Series: Undelivered Notes to a Friend [2]
Category: No Fandom
Genre: Angst, Car Accidents, Death, Diary/Journal, Gen, Real Life, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-07 09:31:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4258284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmayaNoCho/pseuds/LifeGivesLemons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just learned this last night before bed.<br/>Creating these to help to recover and deal with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Day After Learning It

Never thought this would happen. As anyone else might think while they're still just twenty, I thought I still had so much time left to talk to you. To tell you.  
Today was going to be the day I finally did. Today was going to be the day I finally tell you how I felt. How I feel. 

But it's just too late. it's about two days too late. I got to learn you died in a car accident Tuesday night. My older sister told me last night, Wednesday night, the day after it happened. Left the world at the young age of twenty-one.  
Why did it have to be you? Why does life have to work like this? There was so much left to say and do, both for me and you. I'm still alive, still breathing, but you're not. Everyone else in that one-car accident is alive, but one is in critical condition, which I'm hoping they'll be alright. So many of us are mourning and in pain at your loss, them joining you would be horrible. 

It was all the result of irresponsibility on everyone who was involved's part. It still feels unreal, and unfair. Completely unfair.  
Life is how it is, though. 

I wish you would call. Maybe do what you used to do and just suddenly come over to my house so we can talk and play video games while snacking and maybe listening to music, too. Somehow. I wouldn't be mad at you. I'd be too happy to see you alive to be mad.  
I'd give up so much to see you alive again. As a gamer, it means a lot for me to say that I'd give up video games for the rest of my life if it meant you'd be alive again. I'd give up my vision if it meant you would be here to guide me. I'd stop listening to music if it would bring you back. I'd sell all my manga for that, even, or just plain-out give it away. I'd give up my voice or even a whole hand for you.  
I'd be willing to do so much to see you alive again, too. I fear swimming in deep water, but I'd swim in it for hours, swim across a long stretch of it, to get you back. I'd hold spiders or centipedes if the result would be you alive and able to tell me that was surprising I did that and comfort me after. I'd cross a high bridge and face my fear of heights to get you back. I'd clip my nails so many people compliment and keep them short or wear skirts and shorts again, knowing how I always wear shirts and pants or jeans now, ever since possibly first grade. 

I wish all those times I had debated calling you that I did. So much was left unsaid. I never told you I got help for my depression. Never got to talk to you about recent Bleach chapters or the new next generation series for Naruto. I found out why I get those random pains in my stomach that are really bad.  
Turns out I get along really well with your younger sister. Did she tell you we're rooming together when classes start up again? My two roommates graduated, so now I'm going to be her roommate. Never told you about the issues my roommates and I had with some frat guys bothering us throughout the class year.  
Never got to talk to you about Tokyo Ghoul or Psycho-Pass, see if you've seen either one of those. Death Parade, too. They're all really good, and I bet you either liked them or would have if you had watched them. Classes went better this year, and I'm taking summer classes. 

We didn't add each other on skype, either, but that's 'k. It stopped working for me for a while, but I've got it back now. Never got to show you my Bleach-themed lair on Flight Rising, either... I bet you would've really liked it, too. Bet you might've wanted to join the site, too, and then we could chat on there through messages.  
You know, I saw lots of rabbits on campus while I was there for my health class last month. A few cats, too, but lots of rabbits. It's a really nice campus, and I bet you would've liked it, too. 

You know, the older of my two younger brothers was really upset to hear that you're gone now. I know I still am. Couldn't get to sleep until around 1:30 this morning after I learned last night that you're gone.  
I've decided to start doing these entries to try to get it all out. Everything I would've wanted to talk to you about. This is the first entry, so lots of stuff that might seem random, but I know you wouldn't have cared. You're such a good listener, and I always enjoyed out conversations. They always left me feeling lighter, in a way of putting it, like you helped to lighten or even rid me of burdens from life. I hope they helped you, too. 

The main thing I wanted to tell you is that I love you, though. I know I helped you through several breakups and helped you to keep going, but I feel I should admit that I was always feeling conflicted about it. I felt jealous of them and angry they treated you badly, but I also felt you deserve better than me.  
Your sister told me her jokes about you having a crush on me weren't just jokes, and that you really felt that way about me. I feel the same way. Have for several years now, to be honest. I love you.  
I miss you. I want you back. 

I hope that maybe somehow you'll hear us still, the many friends who now grieve and miss you. Your family is in our thoughts, right along with you.


End file.
